What will Yankees fans complain about now? We have the WFAN script

The Yankees never lose. Will their fans be satisfied? Forget about it.

The Yankees have won 17 of their last 18 games, their best streak since the 1953 season, and have pulled ahead of the hated Rex Sox into first place in the AL East. So will their fans finally be satisfied? We’ve looked into the future and obtained the exclusive script of Mike Francesa’s show this afternoon …

Mike’s on! He’s ready to go! On the FAN! New York sports radiooooo! Mike’s on! Mike’s on!

MIKE: Good afternoon, on this Thursday afternoon, live from the — well, look, I’m not gonna tell you who the studio is named afta every day, uhkay, but it’s totally named afta me. And as it should be, uhkay?

Big night for the Yankees again. Dey come from behind to beat the Red Sox, so now dey’ve won 17 outta the last 18 games, and since I didn’t bring a single new idear for this show outta retirement, let’s go right to the phones.

Nellie from New Rochelle, gahead …

CALLER: Mike, first of all, I gotta say welcome back — my life was an empty shell without you. It was just a total, empty existence, not worthy of the air I was breathing.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

CALLER: Look, Mike, I know they’re winning on a 94.4 percent clip here. BUT GARY SANCHEZ!!! This guy is the laziest defensive catcher I’ve ever seen. Half the balls don’t even touch his glove — the ump should file a lawsuit for all the balls that hit him in the face. Romine should be getting a MINIMUM of the starts behind the plate! MINIMUM!

MIKE: Look, uhkay, he’s not Posader. We all know he’s not Posader. But dey’ve won 17 outta 18 games with Sanchez back der, uhkay? Benny from Bensonhurst, gahead …

CALLER: I just don’t understand that last caller, Mike. That’s crazy. They can’t play ROMINE! We need a real catcher. Let’s trade Sanchez for Yadier Molina. No, better yet, let’s trade Romine for Molina and make Sanchez the DH.

MIKE: BUT YOU ALREADY GOTTA DH!

CALLER: Then they need to petition the league to change the rules and make Sanchez a second DH!

MIKE: DEY’RE NOT GONNA CHANGE THE RULES FOR THE YANKEES! YOU’RE CRAZY! DEY’VE WON 17 OUTTA 18 GAMES DEY DON’T NEED A BETTER DEFENSIVE CATCHER! C’MON!

(long, interminable pause)

MIKE: Wally from Wallington, gahead …

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CALLER: I gotta tell you Mike, these callers are crazy this morning. They should be happy. I just worry that Brian Cashman is going to be TOO happy and not make a trade for Manny Machado.

MIKE: Waitasecond. Waitasecond. Waitasecond. Where is Machado gonna play? Dey’ve got the best lineup in baseball right NOW! The Mets can’t even fill out a lineup card and you’re worried about the lineup?!

CALLER: I get that. I feel bad for the Mets (giggling), I really do. But imagine how better this Yankees lineup could be if they can put together a package for Machado and — (click)

MIKE: Morrie from Morristown, gahead …

CALLER: They don’t need Machado. That’s crazy, Mike. They need Mike Trout. If they can package Didi, who hasn’t done jack in, like, three or four games, maybe the Angels will — (click)

MIKE: Harry from Harlem, gahead …

CALLER: It bothers me that they let Rudy Giuliani sit so close behind home plate. He’s sitting there, talking the entire game, and you know that guy has loose lips. What if Aaron Judge is batting and he overhears something? He could get subpoenaed and miss a few games!

MIKE: I don’t even know what to say to that.

CALLER: Also, Aaron Boone worries me, Mike. I know he hasn’t made a bad decision yet, but what if he does? Because it’s entirely possible that he’ll make a bad decision eventually.

MIKE: BUT HE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG YET. ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND?!?!

CALLER: But he might, Mike. He might. I know Torre is retired but — (click)

MIKE: Yewie from Union, gahead …

CALLER: I gotta tell you, Mike, I’ve been listening and I’m a little surprised there hasn’t been more focus on the real problem here: GARY SANCHEZ. You gotta get a real catcher in there. Also, If I can make a quick point on the Giants, they gotta trade Odell before it’s too late!

MIKE: (spontaneously combusts, puts video of the simmering ashes on his new app.)